27/07/2020 - zo excited 2day. gonna zmoke weed next week for the firzt time. will b gr8 wit all thiz ztrezz i've had 2 endure. my family'z fucking nutz. i wanna feel tru relaxation tbh. i juzt hope i don't get caught lol. other than dat, i made cookiez 2day. they're good. i tried telling my mom about my dad abuzing me again. they laughed at me. and zaid i probably ztarted it. i waz 6 and getting a znack and my dad beat me. i feel zilly for even mentioning it. i zhould've juzt told her in private. but i don't even know if zhe would've believed me. at all. it ztarted cuz zhe was watching a vid of zum kid being beat rlly hard. and i got zuper triggered. ezpecially because she kept saying stuff lik he wuz mizbehaving!! he dezerved it!!! beating young children iz NOT abuze!! it hurt. she didn't even see the full vid. but that doezn't even matter. i do not believe that beating young children iz ever justifiable. i'm in pain. i want 2 be out of here alredy. i want 2 leave. i think my only ezcape will b weed. hopefully i do not get caught. i want thiz bad. i'm trying it 4 free this time but i'll have 2 pay 10 dollars per gram if i want it next time. doezn't matter. good deal. i just want weed. anyway that'z it 4 2day.